Hi. I’m Alex, and this is the first post of my life transformation story — where I want to tell you about myself and the situation I’m in. About how I hit rock bottom (honestly, I’ve always been there and never really climbed out).

As I said, my name is Alex. I’m a 33-year-old man (born in 1992), and my life feels like total emptiness. No, I’m not an alcoholic, not a drug addict, not a criminal. I don’t have massive debts. I’m just an ordinary person who got lost in life and has no idea what to do next. I don’t know why I’m alive, and I don’t know what I want from this life.

If I go into more detail, here’s what my life looks like right now:

• my body and health are in poor shape;
  
• I’m unemployed and have no source of income;
  
• I don’t have a place of my own or a car;
  
• I’ve lived with my parents my entire life;
  
• I’ve never had a wife or children;
  
• I’ve never had a serious relationship;
  
• I don’t have a sexual partner, and I haven’t had sex in a long time;
  
• I don’t have any real friends I can talk to openly;
  
• I don’t have any hobbies;
  
• I don’t travel and have barely seen anything in my life;
  
• I have no goals;
  
• I don’t know what I live for and sometimes see no meaning in life;
  
• I feel no joy in being alive.
  

Whatever area of my life you look at — it’s all failure and emptiness. I feel like a complete loser. That’s why this blog is anonymous. I’m ashamed of myself. Ashamed to share any of this openly or show my face.

Like I said, I don’t know what I want from this life. But there is one thing I do want — to change myself and my life. I know life can be different. I know it’s possible to live and actually feel joy. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to change myself or my reality, but I want to try. For now, I don’t even know where to begin, but clearly I’ll be starting from the very beginning — and I’ll write about it all in this blog, every step toward a better version of myself and my life.
I’m tired of being this version of me and I want to live — not just exist.