What do I want the most right now, and what do I need?

I haven’t written anything on the blog for almost a week, and during this time, I had a chance to reflect on myself and my life — on what I truly want and what I actually need. Below, I’ll describe my current vision of how I’d like my life to look in the near future. Right now, I’m not striving for a perfect life — I just want a normal one.

• Mental & Emotional
  At the moment, I don’t know what I want from life or what the purpose of my existence is. But if I could have at least some goals… even small ones — that would already be a success for me.
  
• Body & Health
  Right now, all I want from this part of life is to be healthy, to feel good, and to have enough energy to live.
  
  I’d also like to lose 10 kilos of excess weight. I’m not dreaming about a beautiful or sexy body — I just want to get rid of the extra weight so my body looks more toned, and that’s it.
  
  As for a healthy lifestyle… I don’t really know what kind of sports or physical activities I enjoy, so for now, I just want to go on regular walks outdoors. I want to have a normal sleep schedule and get good rest. I want to eat healthier food.
  
• Work & Money
  I studied law and worked in this field. But I don’t like this profession. I don’t want to be a lawyer — I only chose this path because my parents wanted me to.
  
  Now I want to make a living doing something I actually enjoy. I’m not dreaming of a high income — I just want to earn enough to cover my basic needs and be able to live separately from my parents.
  
  I don’t want to spend all my time on work. I want time for other areas of life too. So ideally, I’d like to work Monday to Friday, no more than 8 hours a day — or even 6 hours, or less.
  
• Relationships
  Parents. I have good, loving parents, and I love them too. We have a decent relationship. The only thing that bothers me is their excessive control. And even though our relationship is generally fine, I still want to finally live on my own.
  
  Friends. Right now, I’m not hoping to find close friends I could trust with my life. I’d just like to find like-minded people with shared interests who I could have a good time with.
  Romantic relationships. At this point, I don’t want a serious relationship, I don’t want to get married, and I don’t want kids (not yet). I’ve spent my whole life in a kind of “relationship” with my parents, and I don’t really know what it’s like to live independently and freely. First, I want to live on my own and enjoy that freedom. The most I want from women right now is friendship and sex — nothing more.
  
• Life & Growing Up
  I just want to grow up. I want to feel like a self-sufficient person who can live and take care of themselves. I want to make my own decisions, earn my own money, and manage my daily needs on my own. I want to live independently — freely and on my own terms.
  
• Explore & Enjoy
  Right now, I don’t feel a strong need or desire to explore the world. I just want to find an interesting hobby (one or a few) that I can enjoy in my free time. I’d like to make my life more active — not sit at home all the time, but occasionally go out and do something.

The bigger picture of my “ideal” life in the near future

I have goals (even small ones), and I know what I’m getting out of bed for in the morning. I’m healthy, I feel good, and I have enough energy. My body is in decent shape. I take care of my physical health by going for walks in the fresh air. I do work that I enjoy and earn enough to cover all my basic needs. In my free time, I spend time on my hobbies. I live separately from my parents, but we have a good relationship. I have a few acquaintances with similar interests, and from time to time, we hang out and have fun. I don’t have a serious romantic relationship, but I have close female friends with whom I share both friendship and intimacy. I’m self-sufficient and capable of taking care of myself.

For someone else, this may sound like an ordinary, everyday life — but for me, it’s still a dream. Maybe in the future, I’ll want more. But for now, I just want this simple, normal life.