Today, I want to analyze one of the six areas I divided my life into using the Wheel of Life — Mental & Emotional. I’m not ready to dive too deep into my mental health analysis… not yet. For now, I just want to get a general sense of what’s going on in this part of my life — what problems I’m facing here.

What is a psycho-emotional state (mental health)?

Your psycho-emotional state is how you feel on the inside — mentally, emotionally, and energetically. It affects your mood, behavior, decision-making, relationships, motivation, and more.

Main components of the psycho-emotional state

🔹 Mental — your thoughts and beliefs, self-esteem, ability to focus, positive thinking, optimism.
🔹 Emotional — your mood, feelings, emotions, and the ability to experience and regulate them.
🔹 Energetic — your sense of inner strength (or exhaustion), motivation, will to act, and even physical sensations like fatigue, tension, or anxiety.

My psycho-emotional state

In general, I have a lot of issues in this area — and they go deep. If my psycho-emotional state were healthy, I wouldn’t feel so worthless, and my life wouldn’t feel so empty. My outer life is a reflection of my inner world.

Mental state

On the one hand, things aren’t completely hopeless. I haven’t lost my optimism. I still believe (or at least hope) that I can change myself and my life. Despite everything, I haven’t given up.

But on the other hand, I’m deeply disappointed in myself. I haven’t achieved anything meaningful. I’ve set goals many times — but only ever accomplished a few. My self-belief and confidence are incredibly low. So is my self-esteem. Low results → low self-worth. I’ve let myself down so many times that what I feel toward myself isn’t love — it’s more like frustration or anger. I can’t say I love myself. I just don’t feel it.

But the worst part is — I don’t know what the purpose of my life is. I don’t know why I even get up in the morning, and that’s exactly why it’s so hard to get out of bed. I don’t know what I want from life. I don’t even know what I enjoy. I started this transformation hoping I would find meaning along the way — maybe discover what I’m passionate about. But right now, I’m just existing without purpose. I know I need to move — but I don’t know where. I know my life is at rock bottom — but I have no idea what kind of life would actually feel right to me. And that’s the hardest part.

Emotional state

I don’t know how to express my true emotions. All my life I’ve been suppressing them. I always tried to stay “in control,” composed. And I’m exhausted from that.

I’ve never really shared what’s going on inside me with anyone. I can’t open up to people. So right now, I actually feel some relief from being able to write about it here — anonymously, in this blog.

When it comes to my mood, I mostly feel… empty. Neither clearly negative nor positive. Just blank. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely happy or satisfied.

Energy levels

I barely do anything all day — yet I still feel drained. My energy is almost gone. And I’m afraid this might be the biggest thing standing in the way of real change.

I know I need to take action. I know things are bad, and I need to get out of this place. But I feel powerless. Empty. Every time I try to do something useful — something that might help me — my mind and body resist it. It’s like my brain yells: “Just take a break. Go lie down. Watch something on YouTube. Scroll for a bit.”

My productivity is zero. And if I don’t do something about this, at this pace, I’ll maybe get my life together by the time I’m eighty.

Final thoughts

I understand I have serious problems with my psycho-emotional state. I know I need to do something about it. But for now — I don’t know what or how. I’ll keep thinking and writing about it in the next posts.